everything loopy...
i am sedated. i sedate myslef.
helllo vietnam. look at the that river
make a boy shiver.
ive been doing CTF and im very good at osint (i know), and crypto im up there toooo, ill hopefully get a full grasp of my skill sett.
today was a good day? id ont know maybe.
i fun last night, so this morning i awaken and i get food right? yeah. and i had cherry pepsi and prime with my stimulants, oh wait. hm. well i then took more of my med stimulants. hmm.
i did a bunch of studying? i got one assignment done.. yay..? boo..? idk but after i did laundry took a nap and went to the gym all at once. after that.. idk actually
small steps is good. study, nap and gym all in one day, woo. and i ate too. hmmm.
HMMMMM.
gonna be greattttt. right? yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi!!
i am cuteboi.
idk.
been workking on myh p osture too!!.
oh i also kinda cleaned my room tooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i showered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
before the gym and after.
i has very good feeling im going to be passed out sleepy tonight hehe.
only thing i need to improve on is sleep, maybe diet, and social skills (my health more important though, and well i havent had WAIT I HAVENT HAD PANIC ATTACKS IN A LONG TIME WOO!!!!!!!!. well within the past 24 hours but for me thats forever. You know.. taking sedatives at night… i took them wait not last night, but the night before.. They stay in my system for 100 hours. oh yeah. i mean i am prescribed them so duh. why WOULDN’T i take them..
oh i get very thirsty though. and every time i take them it reminds me of the way i feelt at the hospital when i tried to off myself. this is what 0 stress feels like. though my therapist had a good point, mixxing all these uppers and downers together… IDK.
hmm.
oh i’ve been forgetting to schedule doctors appointment for months now. uhhhh remind me tomorrow ? pls.
i’ve been improving a TON!.
i look amazing too.
have i found all i need?maybe. idk what that means.
being all by myslef in private room is amazing.
i ican sleep without panic attacks!lw woooo
from what i think and have seen, my only area on major improvement is social, BUT remember deathrow
everything is bettere by myself. right? yes maybe.
like IRL is better yes no social people IRL make me go way better. no anxiety, just back to the way I was. Just quite seth wearing all black in the back of the room. hood up? now wer’e getting frisky with the hood up..
i love wearing all black i really really really really love it.
black pants, black boots, black hoodie omg make me so wett.
hm what else. maybe better time management…?? idk maybe. i’ve been able to like study OH I HAVE TO TALK TO DOCTOR ABOUT MEDS.
ok remind me. i wis
sleep can always use improvement.
been journaling my thoughts too. well i’ve been doing that for.. wow years.. now that i think of it…. wow, it has been years.. idk im kinda scared to go back and read when i started.. feel like that’d bring back bad memories i dont want to remember.
ANYWAYS.god my vains are like. maybe thats what these pill do.
im very proud of myslef, ive been so much better!!! i feel so much confident and i dont feel insecure as much, maybe not at all? idk i cant think.
been exercising!!! (though i have to be careful been getting light headed and dizzy, i think too many stimulatns. oh there something wrong with my heart..? right? i don remember actually…) hmmm
i like the way i look, tall, lean, wide shoulders slim waist. im perfect. and pretty fit too.
woo woo woowooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. ok ima get some wasser. caus emme is thirsy and ye i feel lOOky loops. oh it’s halloween soon!!
oh. i dont have anyone to do things with though :c i want to go to haunted house but nobody to go with.. :c now im sad. ok…
dont think of it. ok ok.
well thats all for now.