Seth isn't real

seth isn’t real.

the only way i know im real is if i torture myself. the feeling of pain reminds me that i am real.

A mental breakdown has occured. Overtime we have learned something. What I have learned is beyond me, I only know that I personally don’t know anything, but he can protect me. I must let him control me and I will be good for myself.

It’s hard to explain. The way I act changes sparatically almost as if i’ve been possesed by a demon.

Sometimes I act a certain way. This way is the way I have to be. It protects me, it controls. It knows what I want, what I need. It doesn’t care for anything in life.

I’ve been told there’s a phsycopath and a sociopath side of me. Whether or not this is true is debateable.

What I do know is my behaviour is erratic. Sometimes i’m extremely antisocial, planning escape routes, preparing for every scenario, training.

Sometimes I envision people wanting to harm me, and what actions I take.

hypervigilance. I have hypervigilance.

Other times, I hate everybody in the world. I don’t want people to look at me. or talk to me. I have an urge to strike anyone that looks at me or makes eye contact with me.

Other times I want to party, or get better as my therapist says?

Other times, I don’t know.

Other times, I get very very very confused all the time.

Other times,I just want to run away.

Other times, I have delusions.

Other times, I think things that other people think but think they said it. I think I hear them say things but did they say this? I’m told otherwise.

Other ti i mes I, just want to, i dont k n o ww.

But what is real?

All of these just might not even be real. I think it’s all in my head. My perception of myself?

I can’t tell the differenc ebetween a dream and not.

i’m not real. everything is just words, spewing out.

I don’t even know what i’m trying to say here. Just assume everythin;g above is falsel? or correct??

i’v e sedated mywself and i believ e they kick in in th emiddle of my typing this.

BUT the point here is, i dont’ know actually to be honest.

Someone help me understand.

I’m confused.