k i l l i n g
got my knife, let’s see how far i can run.
my fingers around the bottle. spill the pills.
go full throttle. the twisted look in my eyes.
what I do with my pills and my knife, nobody knows for sure.
k i l l i n g
the issue is,
a the ambulence and the paramedics. all of them looking down at me, shining a light, carying me onto the stretcher.
the sirens the police.
it’s all too much. it’s too much.
i need to break out.
i need to go into the forest. i need to run away.
3AM bike ride. Where will I go? Wherever the road takes me.
wait, i remember.. id id this once. i packed my bags and snuck out and ran away at night.. i don’t actually remember what all happened with that.
i just k;
i must break out of here. this place. if i swallow enough pills the voices go away.
that’s fale.
pills are goofy. i don’t actually know if i take my meds or not.
i don’t know what i do sometimes. gaps in my memory. nobody knows
it’s time to begin our experiments. i’ve prepared. time to go back to Systema.
anorexia is good.
social anxiety is good.
i need to go back. go b a c k .
i must purge. i must also be careful. the doctors watch me.
other people watch me too. it’s all a lot.
i have to get the trian aback on the tracks.
i know how to. my mr robot poster i must stare at forever.
my HRV has been a spiral, same with RHR. No accurate trend. Unable to determine why some days it’s up, other days down. I have been unable to identify a trend. What’s even more concerning, is that my sleep tracking seemed to have.. stopped last night…
meaning… i must have at some point turned it off or disabled it, and did something at the night. there’s no logs. no logs on my whoop, my phone, or my watch…
i have a plethora of ways to track my sleep. none of them seemed to have worked…
what I did..? I don’t know… i’m concerned i might be doing stuff again atnight.
Doubtful it’s a “glitch”. I’ve been tracking my sleep for years now. i’m able to see trends in my sleep, i sometimes witness increased heart rate, along with gaps in my sleep.. but not the entire night gone.
not entirely sure of what happened here, but it might be worth investigating, yet there’s no way for me to investigate. the trail is cold.
i don’t want to look into what i may have did. I don’t remember what happened this morning, i remember being there… just sitting on my bed at 4 in the morning. Before then? I don’t know. It’s like I just… spawned in a sense. i just appeared there. no recollection of before..
Anyways that’s behind us. I have to continue doing our CTF group. I’ve gathered a few people. (not actually, it’s all in my head i never mentioned this)
but what else did .
Using nmap and j kj;k99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
but yeah.
my nas is down. 20TB of knowledge. my book reading has been on par.9no
i fixed m y sleep i had to remove the 4 “rich person pillows” that cunt she said.\
i don’t recall all exactly of what but i must go for a bike ride in the forest. i’lll know what to do then.
he’ll know what to do.