come and get drunk with me

come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with mecome and get drunk with me come and get drunk with me

come and fly away with me.

come and fly away with me.

come and fly away with me.

com eand fly away with me.

come and fly away with me.

come and fly away with me me me me me me

don’t be afraid

everything will change

come and fly away with me

we’ll rise up

we’ll make it through

wel’ll soaring

a thousand vie

dun dun dun dun dun

dun dund??? dund udndundun dun

come and get drunk with me

waiting by the edge of sea

somethings gonna bring the change

something at the edge of space, calling us to fly away.

COME AND DRINK WITH ME

wel’ll ris eup we’ll make it through

Now that i’m here. Let’s begin. Sorry for the misbehavior before, I had to do some preparations for our task at hand. I’d like to accomplish a lot more than I have currently done. I’d like to actually push my self. I don’t know if it’s ADHD or being lazy. I’ve tried, I really have. I don’t know what else I have to do. I’ve done medications, exercising, eating healthy, going to therapy, all, i’ve tried everything. I’m not sure what the issue is. Maybe i’m just broken. I can’t be fixed?

I don’t know. I’ve really tried I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve tried reaching out to friends, doctors, therapists, everyone.

Not sure what else I can do. Do I need to quit my beds??? Or what? I’m not entirely certain at this point.

Keeping myself busy is what works the best. I think I need to limit distractions? But how if I have depression. I enjoy talking to friends, but my social anxiety doesn’t allow me to.

How does this work? It’s like a seasaw going back and forth. I can’t do anything here.

I know I have to get better. I just don’t know what’s the best method for me. I’ve tried organization methods and whatnot. I think I just need to be alone. Like, an entire place all alone forever. That way, I can be my best. Be at my best. I know, it’s the only solution, right? I don’t know honestly. I need to, i don’t know. I need to dissapear for a while again.

I thought of my friend. the one who told me he wanted to kill himself..

the one where i didn’t do anything.

the one who’s dead because of me.

I think I need to go back to the rich life.

Driving the mercedes, the porsche, all the stuff. I don’t want to be a rich snob, but, I think it’s what I need?

Do I need to go back to being better than everyone else? Will that help my confidence/?

Sure, okay wearing all my designer clothes and whatnot. I don’t have a problem with that.

The problem is, i’m alone. What’s the point of being rich and alone??

Like, sure i’ll wear a $300 jacket, with my $300 boots and whatver else, but what’s the point if i’m like.. going to the mall alone… like,

it just doesn’t work for me. Like, I wanna like, idk.

I don’t like being better than everyone else.

I don’t like being handed things, or others seeing me as “rich” or whatever.

I don’t know honestly. Maybe going back to “rich seth” is the way?

or my ‘emo’ self or whatever they called me back then.

Ugh. Okay. I’m gonna just like, be oliver queen okay.

Go back to american phsyco mode or whatnot.

Fuck. i know i’m a little… different in the head. but i didn’t think that much.

idk, i don’t wanna be like a schizo or anything but, somethimes i wonder if there’s like, different personalities of myself. I know it’s crazy. I honestly doubt it, it’s probably my hyper activity and stuff. Right? I don’t know hehe. I know I can act like a psycopath, and a socipath at times. I’ve been called both by my closest friends. well.. they were.. until after what they did to me. that messed me up my entire life. my entire life is fucked because of all them.

I never had panic attacks until them. now i can’t even sleep at night. years after. the fuck. fuck them. but, for some reason I still wanna be friends with them. i don’t know. They’re manipulative ass. THey manipulated me, it was horrible. Knowing I wasn’t mentally stable, and dealing with the loss of my friend, especially when he told me he was gonna take his own life. I can’t believe them. That’s just horrible. I know sometimes I don’t have morals, but wow. IDK.

Sometimes i’d wanna do horrible things, other times i just wanna help people.

I can’t exactlty explain it.

I just wanna, like be happy. Like, I wanna have a group of friends i talk to every day, and we share things and like we talk to each other. That’s all I want. Just a true friend. Someone who will like, talk to me, and stuff. i’ve never had that. it fucking sucks. it sucks. like, i think i used to be a mute.

I’d go DAYS without speaking a word. I know i’ve gotten better, just. ugh. I know i have friends nad people who say they care about me and i do care about them. just, idk. i just feel empty. not actually talking to anyone IRL makes me.. like, sick.

I know I know. I have extreme social anxiety. I think i’m on the max dose of antidepressants but, I just can’t make friends. I feel like i’m only able to make friends drunk.

I’m fucking crying. My entire fucking life, not able to talk to anybody. Nobody fucking cares about me. my entire life, sitting alone, eating lunch alone, just watching at other people eating and stuff. Like, I do lilterally NOTHING by myself. If i’m alone, i’m probably sleeping or just sitting there waiting for someone to message me.

If you message me.. I love you. I don’t have social interaction. I feel like, idk.

I don’t feel valid. I feel like an outcast some times, like. going my entire life without people talking to me. :c

i feel fucking sasd thinking about it. i’ve tried to get help, i’ve tried to make friends. All I can be certain of, is that nobody will truley love me.

I’ve tried to take my own life SEVERAL times. I’ve tried to get help. I tried to get help for school. I did. i have told many people i need help, my therapist, the polive, the dotors, my friends.

I don’t know what else to fucking do?!?!?!??!?!

I just want a fuking real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend. I want a real friend.

I want someone who actually CARES for me. ugh. I sometimes cry. it just, it really does hrut. I try not to think of it, knowing that, i don’t have any friends really. like, nobody genuienely likes me, they are just nice to me. ]

and since i’ve gone my entire life without social interaction, i honestly don’t know how to act in social situations.

and i’m about to be admitted to the hospitabl because of my blodo pressure or whatever the fuck he said.

I want to get better. I’m delusional, i might be bi polar, i might have a personalithy disorder, i have adhd, i have social anxiety, i mgith have high functioning autism, i have learning disability, i have depression, i might be a sociopath, i might be a psycopath, i don’t know. BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS I WANT TO GET BETTER.

OKAY???/

so there.

i just need to slic emyself open again to fix myself .

I njust realized, my keyboard has… 2 windows buttons… oaky..

I just want a friend..

I know i’m crazy. maybe i’m not. People think im ssome emo freak mute or whatever, but i relaly just want someone to hug me honestly. i wont hurt you. probably. unless i’m in that mood, where i think everyones out to get me, and kill me, where i think everyones a threat, but honestly that hasn’t happened in a bit. doesn’t happen a lot, since I take my antidepressants or whatnot.

Not sure whatelse I need to deo.

I’ve tried to get better. Do i need more meds? Do I need less meds? I don’t know. I don’t know.

I need someone to help me. please.

I always think that my friends are out to get me. I don’t know how to explain it, i just feel like, everyone’s just being nice to me. this girl at my work thinks i have autism so that’s probably why she’s nice to me.

I just feel like, whenever someone says their my friend, that they’re actually not, only because i’ve never had any real friends before. so i think it can’t be true, because i don’t know what a real friend feels like.

I feel like, everyone just does stuff without me, cause they think i’m annoying or creepy or whatever. it really fucking sucks. it really hurts. like, i can’t live my life cause of it. solmetimes i don’t eat or sleep because of it. i can’t control it. just like, that feeling that poeple are purposfully not talking to me, makes me really really really fucking sad. sometimes i even fucking cry because of it. sometimes i cut my self because of it. i just can’t. does that make me a psycopath or something? I don’t fucking know. all I know is that when i’m left out, i turn into a psycopath because of it.

I jusut.. can’t handle being left out. I don’t know why I turn to a phsycopath. I just can’t fucking control it.

I don’t know. One of my triggers is being left out. It makes me go fucking insane. i go absolutely ape shit. I don’t know why it turns me into a psycopath. but please, i don’t mean any harm

I just can’t fuckiing control it. i turn into a whole another person.IDK why.

I just can’t handle it.

I just want a soulmate.